The Two Questions People Ask When They Learn I’m Not Working

Overcoming fear on the road to freedom

Whenever I meet someone new, and they find out I am currently not working, their first question is always:

“What do you do with yourself all day?”

And the second question (which they never voice, but I KNOW they are thinking) is:

“How do you afford not to work?”

So, since you are just getting to know me here on the lovely Substack, I thought I’d answer both of them for you today.

“What do you do with yourself all day?”

This is such a loaded question. Because the underlying belief is that without the identity of a job — a title, a place to go every weekday, someone to TELL you what to do — a person will be lost, bobbing in an endless sea.

I’ll be honest, there have been days where I cannot figure out what to do with myself. When it happens, it’s not because I don’t know what I want to do. Rather my brain thinks I “should” be doing something “productive,” while the other part of me wants to play.

So the two go to battle, and I just sit there twiddling my thumbs. Or worse. Occasionally, I dissolve in tears, feeling torn between what I know is the right path for me, and what society thinks I “should” be doing.

Not fun.

But more often than not as these two years have progressed, I let my intuition — the fun part of me — take me where it will.

There are a few things that I do almost every day, not because I think I should, but because I really enjoy them. Things like: go for a walk, meditate, write in my journal. Those create a bit of structure, which, as a recovering Type A personality, helps to tame my achievement-oriented brain.

Outside of that fairly loose structure, I simply follow whatever feels fun to do next. As a child, I loved doing collage with old LIFE magazines and drawing with colored pencils. But I quit those pursuits as school, homework, jobs, career, children took over my time.

So now I have set up my office with large stacks of LIFE magazines, colored pencils, paints, pastels, paper, pens, and all kinds of scissors and spend hours just creating random works of art.

I read a lot, both fiction and nonfiction, anything that resonates with me in the moment. I take classes on topics that strike me, things like book-binding, illustration, Reiki, psychology, spirituality. I explore our city — especially art stores, bookstores, parks and coffee shops. I love to bake, so I make cookies, bars, and breads until my husband begs me to stop. In recent months, as my self-imposed isolation has waned, I’ve started connecting again with friends.

And what I find, more and more, is that I lose track of time. The days just fly by because I’m having so much FUN. Far from not knowing what to do with myself, every day feels like a new adventure.

Which brings me to the second question I know people are always wondering (but are too polite to ask):

“How do you afford not to work?”

I mentioned in my previous post that when I decided to quit my business I was my household’s breadwinner. And when I reached the breaking point, I was so burned out that I simply had zero energy to start a new business and/or start working for someone else. I was just DONE.

I think people make some assumptions about how the money adds up. So let me start by telling you what is NOT true in my situation…

I was not a “trust fund baby.” Neither my husband nor I have inherited any wealth or received any financial help from our families.

The book I published was not financially successful. In fact, since I had to invest money in its publication (the hybrid publishing model), I actually lost money on it.

I did not sell my business. I just closed up shop.

While we had some savings, it did not come close to equaling the loss of my income over the last two years.

We have not reduced doing things we enjoy (eating out, traveling).

What HAS happened is that whenever we need money, it is there.

Seriously.

I know that sounds crazy. But it’s true.

I believe that we live in an abundant Universe — “Leap and the net will appear.” So, while I was terrified about where the money would come from, there was a part of me, deep inside, that knew it would somehow show up.

“How is that possible?” I can hear you saying.

I believe — and I have seen this play out in my life over the past two years —that when you as a person are happier, all aspects of your life (your finances, your relationships, your health) get better.

Abundance, in all its forms, is all around me.

In the two years since I quit my business, I find myself with:

Stronger finances — We have erased all our household debt.

A better house — We moved to Oregon last year (which I’ll talk about in an upcoming post), and our new house is larger, more centrally located, and in better condition than our previous one.

Healthier relationships — My relationships with my family and friends have become easier and more fulfilling.

Greater wellness — Chronic conditions I had, like back pain, asthma, and eczema have disappeared.

More freedom — where I focus my time, effort, and interests is mine to determine.

Two years ago I took a massive chance on myself. And because of that, I am now thriving.

That’s not to say that every day is perfect. Far from it. But every day has increasing amounts of fun and play and joy and abundance and magic – yes MAGIC! And less and less fear, anxiety and depression.

Yet, I have not decided I will never work again. I may. If I find a job or a business that feels like fun to me.

If you think about it, the two questions I repeatedly get asked about my employment status are really the two greatest fears that hold people back from changing anything that makes them unhappy.

Those fears are:

“I won’t know what to do with myself”

and

“I won’t be able to afford it.”

Neither of those fears — while they felt incredibly real as I was leaping — ever actually materialized in my life.

In fact, in overcoming my greatest fears, I actually found my greatest joy, my greatest freedom, and my greatest wealth.